In Rio, reflecting upon how much my life has changed. This year has been full of travel and excitement, but 2010 will be about planning for the future. I have so many things left to accomplish. It’s a humid pause here while I drink matte and think about it. I hope I can find time for myself, and to continue cataloguing here.
thin fingers, paper hands tensely
clutching a worn leather handle
cold toes tucked into solid boots
have seen some wear, walk to the coast
their lives in flight, diamonds
adeptly sewn into the hems of pants and skirts
pupils focused at the
dim point of horizon, knowing
ships come, to take them to elsewhere
they land in the city of old and new
they lay down the rhythm of jazz
they bicker and carve their place in spite of eachother
they welcome the misfits for schadenfreude, praise tension, angst
their weary children
know their place behind
the birth of new york, the better child
deferring to the cage, not whistling
nor even taking flight in steel
they think the point of argument is something real
the glass window, the missing sky
to gaze up and see no cloud
angry voices, reminds them
of the jaundiced home these vagabonds had found themselves
how unadventerous they are!
waiting for new york to seek them out
hoping
it cares as much as it shames
believing
the serendipity of collision
when the journey was carried in boats
and the waves turned the stomach
those paper hands held fast
to even colder railings
where were you? a dream in the eye
and you think the world is small
but your home is a fixed location
the only dot on the map
the city changes
the city won’t remember
your ancestors
their frugal labored fruit
their 5 block world with its own district
it swallows them whole
and if you fall, miss the rhythm?
and if you want to breathe without the soot?
and if you taste the pavement when you hunger for the earth?
good luck to you then, the smug would say
you’ve earned it
the only world you need to know
won’t need you now
to the masses of those struggling for self love, self medicating with whatever herb the earth gives or the doc prescribes, waiting for great break, unconsciously until the pain of the world subsides… what do you think?
if you are a free individual, free from residual judgement or lack of nourishment, free from perpetual punishment and demands put upon you by those you once loved or trusted. you are karmically standing in your own destiny in the wake of your path, your family’s mistakes, the will of your ancestors and the drowning sound of your generations ululation. are you surprised? did the mass of failure just sneak up on you, or have you avoided it… turning to the smallest corner of the room, your own personal dramas… or better yet, to the “outside”, where there are many empty roads to search for sex (not the endless font of love you think but rather a window to the open sores you carry). or the big and empty sky oscillates in color wildly until the silent command of the rainbow awaits the peaceful promise of god? you have ignored your creations in the desire to masturbate your first dynamic, but obsessing over the drama of the self is the easiest escape from the lessons that other people teach us.
we are in a period that makes the willingness to face our own challenges with maturity and thankfulness a dire necessity- not to swallow them in silence in shame, but to wear them like beautiful coats as we are strong enough as individuals to carry them and ultimately they keep us warm, alive and moving. you were blessed with this challenge because it is the next step for you to grow as an individual, and without it you would be living like a child, hiding from the outside world in the arms of a parent or heavy blanket.
my heart goes out to everyone experiencing challenges right now, with love and gratitude. these may never be “good” things but they are the things that make us “good” people.